my life.

inability?

2007-07-03T19:00:00.000+08:00

maybe it's me. but i have been feeling really useless for reasons i can't explain. i'm too naive? i had always thought our sister school members would be really supportive and i thought i could convince. i was SO wrong. it's either me, or they can't be bothered. i just felt totally invisible.

asking around all the other schools, classmates, friends, seniors, i just get rejected time and again.
'coz it's you' they say. 'coz you existed' if so, how i wish i never did exist. if it would do the band better, do our sales better for our last concert, the sec 4s' last concert with RIMB, i'd rather not exist then. It's really not about the number of tickets i sold or matthew or the sec 3s are selling, but the people i ask and the percentage of rejected replies. of course, it's all part of reality. but somehow, someway, stuff are getting to my head.

were they glaring at me?

=(

back for now

2007-06-19T12:44:00.000+08:00

half the year has passed. I must say the half that remains is to be as much a challenge as was the first.

the half in review:
March-- play. realised many mistakes i had made as a leader. too serious too often? i was told pep talks don't work out. but i saw something totally different that night. get the guys in the mood, they can perform.
April 16th -- syf 07. GOLD. i'm very proud of them. it was a memorable performance. the last competition performance with our band, my dear batch. It wasn't remarkable true. but it was much of an improvement from when we took over. credit really goes to my batch-- their efforts with the sections.
May-- ORA. at least some progress for RE. we've been lagging. tennis tournament, syf. things have started to pick up. we'll see it maintain, right guys?
June-- friday we leave for malaysia and in the period of close to a month, i've seen the band(most of it) put in genuine effort. effort that i feel have paid off. Snowcaps isn't exactly complete. but it has been a feat to have achieved this much in such a short time. and my many thanks to neo. We've had our fair share of troubles and arguments, but i guess i haven't been carrying a fair share of the weight the concert planning entails. we're running behind. the commitees have just been set up so, dead lines set. let's meet them

the half to come...
june-- m'sia trip for performance at their national high school band finale. we might have missed presentation syf 07. but it is our honour to be invited by the Ministry of Education Malaysia to guest perform at their finale. preparations for the trip have also been pretty rushed considering the notice we had. but i guess everything's going smoothly.
july-- concert. birthday x) our last concert with RIMB as a batch. we do not know how many of us will join rjcsb. let this be our best remembered performance.

...second half. term 3. madness? we'll get to see soon.

tiill next time

over.

2007-01-11T16:59:00.000+08:00

that part of my life is over. no one can bring it back again. no one.

that much closer.

2006-12-22T16:59:00.000+08:00

thanks guys, for making this such a wonderful day. today, you guys showed what we are made of, and what we can achieve. you've shown what truly belongs to this band. RIMB. though it's the first time we're doing the piece with mr oura, i can say you guys did veryvery well. for a first time, to have this standard would mean to reach the skies at syf. show me.show mr oura and show the school. although sunRISE [no more sunshine, i promise] was very well done, safari has muchto be improved. but for your effort, thank you. what made me really happy was what mr oura said. "you can join the competition tomorrow." it might have been a small group of people he said that to, but it definitely means alot. it means that this band has the potential in it. we just have to find it. veryvery good. i'm glad, hopefully, that you guys have started to wake up and make MUSIC. do the same thing for our choice piece and i'm sure we'll reach it. every practice if like today's would then bring us that much closer, so much closer to that peak. the PEAK, that we havne't reached in a long time. SHOW ME. show yourselves, prove to yourselves, that you guys are more than what you appear to be. to my section sec 1s, though it's going to take alot of catching up on the basics, i have confidence in you all. it can be hard, i can be really harsh, but it all boils down to you guys. andy, keep it up. must improve much more. brandon, continue to strive and you'll get it. rui tao, just be a BIT more serious and you'llbe alot better. see, you scored a goal today! unstoppable. RIMB. we SHOULD we MUST we CAN we WILL. this is NOT going to be a one off thing like it has many times. it's going to last.

great, blk 9 to 6 to 2 to 4 and tofinally reach, then it's locked. fate?

the limit

2006-12-18T14:59:00.000+08:00

finally understand what it means to push ourselves, myself, to the limit already. today i experienced it. hmmm... 3 sets of 20 push-ups, 20 crunches and 5 compass start jumps plus a little bit of running running isn't difficult. but somehoweven before we couldfinish the third set the band was dying. and i didn't feel it until i told neo to take drills and i fell in. MAN, luckily matthew decided that we need not do drills.

youknow those kind of circumstances where everything in front of you just turns black then you cut out everything. like there's air muffling the sounds that reach your ear and you get just really really cold. yeah. fainting spells. thanks to matthew if not i would have fainted... so would have others. pushing to the limit. i never expected mine to be so low. but i don't know what was up with me today. i had to sit there for full 10 mins. darn. so lousy. i couldn't even walk straight back to the band room la wth. damn. 30mins through sectionals couldn't blow properly. >.<" sometimes, things just don't go your way. NEVER do all the pt and stuff when you've had a break for 3 weeks. and you're in the midst of construction. woohoo. good thing that whole feelign disappeared once we started set piece. i still feel cold though, doesn't help that the section's sitting next to the podium where strong wind just blows in. the limit.

physcially, i reached alimit today. musically, rimb's limits are beyond the horizon. 4 months. 4more months. hard work, commitment. that's all i'm asking for now. show me that i can know no limits to how much we can achieve.

.

2006-12-11T16:19:00.000+08:00

haven't updated in awhile. things have been quite fine lately. mmm... attended crescent's musical evening on the 27th nov [i think]. well it was pretty good i guess. the band, gimmicks and all. haha entertaining. caspar's jokes. wraped up to a wonderful night. oh yeah, the modern dances were pretty good. the idea of lightsticks in the dark as little bees, not bad. well, caspar had a chance to be slightly closer to `ahem`.eventful i'd say and found out he knows christian too. lol. small world really.

30th nov attended lights cameras and [blah] by combined production by acsi,acjc + ib. it was absolutely fantastic. well not perfect. but i enjoyed it. jerald and lucas, 2months. acjc's trumpets are gay. lol. the idea of stereo surround, not bad. and i had certain people looking at me. man, i don't like scandals, rumous whatever.then yeap, great night again. sadly it dragged pretty much and had to rush home to prepare for taiwan.

8 days in taiwan, nowi'm back. taiwan's peaceful and nice. the kind of news we hear are but a portion of the country's matters. overall had a great trip. no wonder even ada, nanyang bm and mervin went there. hahaha. i actually met mervin on the return flight. not bad. smallsmall world[reminds me of that nicenice piece]. saeka i ju yo...nvm.

so i returned on the 8th and attended chijtp's + st marg's concert @ cjc. ALWAYS keep a low profile. better than getting your name shouted. ok, friendly i guess. anw, the concertwas alright. their sec1s are far better than ours. rimb sec 1s wake up from your state of mind please!. and well, yeah.

yesterday attended saf military band's in-harmony 22. guest conductor douglas bostock! he rocks seriously. there were a number of nco people attending that concert. if i'm not wrong, saw the bassoon guy, bass clar girl, geraldine(?) [aes], alexa [st. hilda's], oboe guy, pohyih [nan chiau], gary [temasek] and ian[sji]. hahha saw jeremy with his two girl-friends. concert was a blast. literally. loud. clear. sonourous. musical. stylish. classical. amazing i didn' get bored with the classical-ness. lol, nice word. ok so, douglas bostock, damn, nice style. not surprising second principal conductor for tokyo kosei. never really expected saf band to be that good but of course, they proved me wrong of my previous judgements. the cor anglais, the oboe. bunch of shen2 people. neo, if the whole stage of performers yesterday are your disciples, you'd be reaching your end. lol.

rimb needs these concerts, and no one bothers going for them. it's a pity.

i updated.

close?

2006-11-29T16:47:00.000+08:00

should i stop posting...=(

happy feEt!

2006-11-29T16:40:00.000+08:00

caught the movie last night. it's not 3 stars. the lessons i took away form it are definitely worth much more than the ratings people give. HELLO!! start looking into movies. i'm not a critic but happy feet is really worth watching. for those reading, this is NOT a movie review. i tookaway many things last night [besides feeling cold] i realized how sometimes though we might be verydifferent from others, to never give up that difference. it's what makes you special. there are times we're left out of a crowd or we just can't fit in but when we believe we must hold it strong. strong enough to let go of things, make sacrifices. strong enough to push you to the limits and never stop trying. strong enough to convince.

RIMB, you must hold a belief. a belief that we can reach the best in syf 2007. a belief that is strong enough to bring us there.

you need not fanciful words to convince. you just need a spirit.

er.

2006-11-28T09:38:00.000+08:00

Sat.

went out with neo and cynthia and camilla to lido. weird outing. so i was a bit late, wasn't a very good explanation for why they had to do sudoku, but ok. Since neo felt weird... sorry la a bit late only what. jeremy of sji and ian was supposed to turn up.when i coined the words 'supposed to', means they didn't. sad. ok... so we watched casino royale. not bad la. not as bad as like "IT'S a waste of money!" HELO i was already in the hall. a bit lateto tell me. haha .. typicalplot, characters, settings, at least it kept us entertained.
later we came out. being US, no one could decide on where to go haha until neo suggested he wantted to read -.-/ walked into borders, and walked out. then he said he wanted to eat. FICKLE leh. so we decided to visit food republic. NEVER try to get into wisma when it's raining now that they blocked out the underpass. it's hell. we squeezed our way through, went up, found seats and neo went to buy his small bowl of ice kachang(of which i made a mess of later). haha the cleaner was staring at neo. lol. SORRY, neo just has this hole in his mouth. and we continued to stone for.. at least 2 hours. woah, i can't believe i did that. but it turned out that is was damn fun. since wehad an entertainer. when you don't really know people you turn out being DAMN random. haha. that ends off my day on sat.

YEST.
went to the esplanade to catch crescent band in action (+dance,angklung etc.). met caspar and er... alyssa ada and someone else. stupid matthew neo, prepare for trip and YOU OWE ME $15. TSK. so, ok the band was good. besides balance it was really nice. wooo.. kinchun, go learn from the crescent perc timpani. lol though the instrument wasn't exactly seasoned. so then... dance and yader yader yader. ok. then intermission. haha... oh ya! i bought the two performers chocoates. hopefully they ate them. ok anyway, back to the concert. so came the perc ensemble. not bad, but they could have played something nicer.would have been better i guess. then the cgsaa band. MAN, i wonder if i'm going to hear the same thing @ rwinds' concert. it was somehow damn in tuned. and the pieces are damn nice. yay. must trouble matthew neo again. hah. then yader. oh yeah! then the dance performance to their flight of the bumble bee song. lol. nicenice. and the closing. when you go to a girl school's concertnext time, remember ear plugs, if not, sit to as far away from the stage as posible. lol. so thanks to priscilla for inviting, worth the 20 la.. haha. and to limchee shan for pompom entertainment. lol.. i have no idea what else to say. cs, the horn starting not asbadasyou expected right. the way you depicted it the last time was so negative. welldone! =)

2006-11-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

i want to know how those four men just passed on sopeacefully in their sleep. just like that, leaving everything behind. troubles, sorrow, responsibilities. ..loved ones. how.

losing it.

2006-11-20T17:04:00.000+08:00

acceding [this how you spell it?] request to update. ok, so saturday joined neo... and like many other DMs and couple of BMs at vivo. first time there. that place really doesn't look that big on the outside. once you're in, heh heh all changes. anyway, things were quite ok. met new people and said hi. but i guess alot of time was wasted deciding on small things, can plan better next time la. ok fine, sorry to neo ji hui for saying its his fault. NOT YOUR FAULT. GV was out of tickets, decided to arcade. then sentosa. within 5mins of that idea they scraped it and suggested going to bugis. on the train suddenly suggested ice skating, which means JEC. so, we ended up there. and 8 people went in. stayed outside. so sad, just because i had to leave. i guess that day was pretty eventful?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

had band prac today. band's just no longer the same. neo talked about the past, about our years in the sun and it reminded me of nco. but i think those years really trained rimb members, spiritually and physically and it taught us to FIGHT. COMPETE. ACHIEVE. & ENJOY AND APPRECIATE THE PROCESS. what is it that our band looks for now? cca points. soccer. jokes. breaks. i'm losing it. LOSING IT. and we're going to LOSE IT. lose all the years of hard work and developement and all the hopes pinned on us by the school and the previous batches. and mr oura. the whole process as it is is already wrong. we will not bluff our way through any longer. if you are in RIMB you are going to put in 110% of your effort. and not let YOURSELF down. do something. WAKE UP!

a midsummer's night dream will remain a dream if you, i, we keep it so.

.

2006-11-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

being at home really stinks. somehow we contradict ourselves in sucha waythat while the school term is on, you hope for holidays. now that's it's the holidays you feel like going back to school. coz there's really almost nothing to be done at home [whichi'llbe interested in]

one week before i was in the hot sun rehearsing for a passing out parade. now, i'm rotting at home. one week from now? at home AGAIN. i wonder how i managed to kill time on tuesday. what's worse is that there's no one to talk to. like everytime i'm online, others are not. when i'm not, theyare. -.-" what a joke.

the feeling of being cooped up at home really sucks, especially when your home is so cut off from shopping centres or just places you can hang out and DO stuff. i drat this.

and i'm constantly reminded of work.revision.exams.SYF... [you know what's pressure??]

missing nco.

2006-11-13T20:11:00.000+08:00

i have no idea how come TK's in there. but there's the damn good drum mj. nicholas if i'm not wrong. (L-R): sijia & nicholas(TKSS) ada & qianwei(RGS) matthew and i(RI)

me (ri) ada(rgs) priscilla(cresc)

part of the section

section photo#1. my face almost can't be seen.

section photo#2 stil cant be seen.

CASPAR, nice pose!

pictures =) courtesy of many

nco day # 2,3,4 + pop

2006-11-12T16:47:00.000+08:00

haven't updated since day 1. nco was a bang. maybe the first day was not THAT smooth. subsequently,many of us started having fun, there was laughter everyway. well i guess i do not have as many contacts as the rest but i hadmy share of the experience which now i greatly value. it should not have ended. and now that NCO's OVER... withdrawal symptoms set in.

often we miss out on the time we spend with people whether we know them or not.
thanks to many we've made this camp really really meaningful and fun.
ho yeung + some other DMs
Caspar
Sean
Oliver
Gabriel
Garry + rest of the clarinet section
matthew [haha]
mr siao
many many more. different sections. different people

ada
priscilla
so on.haha and the new batch of 32nd nco graduates from the jametty pack of schools want to set up something new, or rather continue the LEGACY. [shrugs]

really going to miss NCO. the corny jokes from mr siao and that cold yet cosy music studio. not forgetting the food [regardless of quality]
POP was a very good show. not of quality, but really of how much paid off, everyone working together to put up the last performance together. going to miss nco much. but we'll always meet again. i'm sure of that.

cheers

nco day #1

2006-11-06T22:16:00.000+08:00

finally. like one day over. ok fine so it didn't turn out that bad [at least not like how i expected it to be]. and i saw many many MANY more very enthu people not just in making music but leading, having fun and lots of other stuff. yeah, we're from raffles so what? i can safely say life skills, we get thrashed by other schools.

back to the camp. icebreakers were...alright to put it in a nice way. otherwise, really crudely it'd be 'it was messed up, screwed' planning was quite bad. really appreciative of how some people could manage to keep the beat going come up with new game ideas and such. and there WERE jokers. haha overall, it was entertainment besides the part I had to introduce myself first, the group starts clapping. soon enough the whole hall claps and i stand there like.."huh??" nvm.

overall it was fun.sitting through concert practice was pretty tiring. mr SIAO tried to keep the spirits up but i believe he was equally sick of the whole session. an aching tail bone did not help. neither did the air conditioning. i'd say it was a good start. looking forward to tomorrow i'll say.

schools of people i got to know (from memory)
St. Andrew's
St.Pat's
St. Hilda's
First TP
RI
RGS
Northbrook?
ACS(I)?? [talked.. abit]
Bukit panjang gov high
Teck whye

n...i can't rmb the rest.

R & r

2006-11-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

all the review and reflect goign on in school. Maybe i should do one of this year myself. i guess things have been pretty fine. rocky, not exactly fun but deep sense of achievements are rooted in my heart. new friends, but have quite lost touch with older friends. people- they come and go but we have to stop and think, one day we will need friends and the one standing next to you might just be your kindergarten school mate and no one else. walk on the streets 20 years down the road, we might not even recognize each other any more.

treasure.....yes.

academics wise, well i guess i have improved. contented?...mmm can improve much more. have to. new system of grading next year. it's going to be a longlong ride. must constantly aim to beat myself. keepclimbing... gogogogoGOOO!
band's stuff, well, hectic i guess. ...

motivation keep me going!!!

.:dreams and reality.

2006-10-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

wow, ok applaud! a template.'=) to those who see this i can swear that it is purely coincidental that the entries are on the black side. really.

i had this really weird dream last night. i don't know if i'd call it a night mare (there was cold sweat). and though i awoke to find it all a dream, i had really thought if it was meant to be in reality. surely, people talk about dayjavoo and all but this is a situation i would never be able to face-- the near miss of gold in the syf. we're talking about gold here, not even gold with honours.

just a dream? the fact is that be it the syf be in april NEXT YEAR, subconsciously fear grips me. we have no time and at present we're not good enough. dreams aren't real.they're not. we're going to go for gold and own for presentation!

how long will this drive last??..

life anew.

2006-10-30T15:54:00.000+08:00

since i'm rotting at home i thought i'd might as well start this bbbblog after skipping so many myself. -.-"

byebye